it’s really cool that my advisors tell me that they’re proud of me, but i really just want to hear it from my mom.
living and you - kat sinclair
i’m trying not to be one to make constant excuses for my own efforts but this was my first time trying garageband. i just looped a few things, took a few things i’d written, and tried out melodies until they worked. it only took an hour and i recorded it in the bathroom. aside from all that, i’m pretty pleased for a first try.
last year in one of my russian classes, we were going over the мне надоело (i am sick/tired of) construction in class and we all had to provide examples and i said мне надоело шить (i am sick of sewing) but everyone thought i said мне надоело жить (i am sick of living) and fuck if that isn’t completely accurate.
Life is a question of nerves, and fibres, and slowly built-up cells in which thought hides itself and passion has its dreams. You may fancy yourself safe and think yourself strong. But a chance tone of colour in a room or a morning sky, a particular perfume that you had once loved and that brings subtle memories with it, a line from a forgotten poem that you had come across again, a cadence from a piece of music that you had ceased to play. I tell you, that it is on things like these that our lives depend.
and i’m really upset that i’m so upset right now because
1. yesterday i walked across the top of the mpr and i was like wow this is so cool i don’t want to throw myself over the railing
2. this afternoon i walked across the top of the mpr and i didn’t even think about throwing myself over the railing and the fact that i didn’t want to. like it wasn’t even a thing to think about (is this what non-suicidal people feel like bc it was really cool and i’m really jealous)
3. i have barricaded myself in my room bc idk what i’d do if i left
4. also it’s your birthday and i should not be upset on your birthday. i should only ever be upset on my birthday.
as sweet repose and rest come to thy heart as that within my breast
The wall speaks the truth
#actual Grantaire MP
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